‘This has been going on for 13 years. It always starts with Hey how are you?’: Adopted woman cuts ties with bio-sister after years of fake check-ins that always ended with requests for money

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Etai Eshet • Editor
Oct 24, 2025 5:00 PM EDT

This one reads like a long lesson in boundaries disguised as family reunion. A woman adopted as a baby reconnects in her teens with her biological family, a sweet, emotional moment that starts like a movie ending and slowly turns into a bill request. For years, her younger biological sister has treated conversation as a warm-up routine before asking for money. It's always small stuff, a few dollars here and there, softened with polite disclaimers like "if you can't, it's ok." But the words lose their courtesy when they arrive every few months, right after a week of good-morning texts that suddenly stop once the answer is no.  

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  • AITA for not giving my biological sister money

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  • I was adopted when I was 1 year old and my biological mother was only 15 when she had me.
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  • She was just a child herself and couldn't take care of me. My parents now are amazing and I wouldn't trade my life for anything.
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  • Four years later she had another child and then another. Fast forward to when I'm 14-15 year old her family found me on Facebook and contacted me.
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  • Her kids and started a friendship. It was really cool getting to know them. After years of talking, I'm 22 and I finally brought them out to meet me for the first time.
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  • We went out to dinner and did touristy things in the city where I lived. It was a very fun weekend and wouldn't trade it for anything.
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  • About 6 months after she started asking me for money. Mind you I'm 22 years old living paycheck to paycheck.
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  • Looks like this adopted kid carries this built-in empathy, the sense that they somehow owe something to the family they never got to grow up with. That makes manipulation easy because it’s dressed up to look like connection. The sister isn’t a villain, she’s just learned to test the limits of affection through convenience. But the woman isn’t cruel for withholding cash either. Some people give money to keep the peace. Others hold the line to keep their self-respect.  

  • I could barely afford to keep myself afloat. When they came to see me I saved up for months and months.
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  • Their bus tickets were 22$ total. I was frugal. The money was for cell phone or whatever.
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  • I said No. They would say okay or no problem. Fast forward, this has been going on for 13 years.
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  • It always starts as hey how are you? Can I have money for cell phone, rent or clothes??
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  • I always get excited because she wants to talk and catch up. It's always 50/50 when she asks.
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  • I don't anticipate it because I genuinely believe she wants to catch up and she says she cares, but this last time was different.
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  • She was texting me everyday for a week saying good morning, asking me how my day was and then on the last day she asked me for money.
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  • I said no per usual and then she stopped texting me. I told my husband she asked me for money again and of course I said no.
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  • I've always said no. After all this time she still asking for money. Her oldest brother used to ask me for money and he got the message years ago after the 100th no and stopped, but she's still going.
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  • I'm not wealthy and I've never tried to act like I am. At the end of each text she says if you can't It's ok.
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  • She's 28 years old and not my responsibility. I don't want to be mean and say stop because I don't wanna stop talking to her.
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  • AITA?
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  • pmousebrown NTA friends, bio sister, sister you were raised with, stranger in the street... you don't owe anyone your money. Next time she calls when she asks you for money tell her no, tell her you are never going to giver her money because you need your money for yourself and your family. If you want you can add if that's the only reason she calls that it's never going to work.
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  • Momof3dogbutts NTA. She's nearing 30 and acting like this? Thats embarrassing for her. OP, you may want to go LC or NC as clearly she can't take the hint or simply she doesn't care and is trying to use you. Good on you for standing your ground.
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  • TheWaco Fogey NTA. She's more interested in your money than you. If this is how she is at 28, she'll be this way the rest of her life. You may want to think about how available you want to be for this manipulation.
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  • Bluntandfiesty It's interesting that she keeps asking and you have never once said yes. I think that this is a conversation that you might need to escalate. "Sis, I am not comfortable with you asking me for money. I am not wealthy and barely getting by myself. I have nothing to give you. You know I don't give it to you. You still ask. It's upsetting. Please stop asking. I want us to have a good relationship, that doesn't create conflict.
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  • UniqueAmbition7792 Please don't loan them money. It will become a habit.
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  • HollyKitty720x NTA. She's a full-grown adult who should pay her own bills. Maybe you should flip the script and start asking her for money.
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  • Cynic_Picnic NTA: But I would be very clear with her the next time she asks for money. Don't just say no. Say, "Look, I value our relationship but I get the sense that you only reach out to ask what I can do for you. This is unfair to both of us. I want to be clear that I will never in any circumstance give you money. Ever. So if that is what you are looking for, you are wasting your time. But if you want a sincere relationship, I am more than happy to continue contact with you."
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  • kkrolla When she reaches out from now on, reply with, are you really interested or will this just end with you begging for money again, which the answer is no. No now, then and forever.
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  • ARSS1996 Turn the tables on her. Next time you talk or text beat her to the punch line and ask her for money first!
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  • Interesting_Novel997 Tell her you would love a relationship with her but not a transactional one. If her sole purpose is to ask for money then lose your number.
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  • She’s not heartless for saying no, and she’s not naive for still wanting the relationship. She’s just caught in that strange middle ground where love meets survival. If every “how are you” eventually turns into “can you send,” she’s right to cut the funding. Real family doesn’t need a payment plan to stay in touch.

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family drama inheritance brother mother tradition siblings family feud favoritism wedding aunt in laws mother in law sister fiancé grandmother Father
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